Sometimes, we look at big daunting tasks and feel like we will never achieve them. Right now, I am looking at the big daunting task of a four-week ballet intensive in a foreign country that will be taught in a foreign language.
However, I kick myself for worrying about achievement. What am I achieving? Completion? Completing the intensive won’t mean anything unless I give 100% of my effort as much as I can. Am I trying to achieve progress? Possibly, but that may not be measurable in just four weeks. So, why am I worrying about achievement instead of focusing on working to my full capacity every day?
I have a placement class tomorrow that will dictate what I focus on for the next four weeks. I know plenty of my technique is weak or poorly trained, but I won’t dwell on those ideas. My habit of constantly focusing on what I need to improve on is somewhat important but detrimental if not kept in balance with the reality of how much progress I have made. Tomorrow should be about how much I have accomplished since this time last summer.
It is hard to be kind to ourselves when we really want something. It is hard to remember that making mistakes or being imperfect is the epitome of humanity. Finding peace in the idea that you are meant to be flawed is comforting.