Don’t Fix it Right Away

Although there are many many arguments against what I am about to say, try to bear with me. There is some value in recognizing a problem, maybe even being upset about a problem, but not solving it right away. I’m definitely the type of person to recognize an issue, realize I don’t have an immediate, simple solution, become overwhelmed and eventually very upset. I mean, upset in the sense that it incapacitates me until I have forced the negativity out of me.

I have had an issue for the past month and a half that I have yet to solve. To be completely honest, this problem has been a part of my life for three to four months. I have gotten upset and cried many many times because of this problem. I have no reservations about confessing how much of an impact this particular conundrum has had on me. However, I continue to think about it. I have yet to find a solution that satisfies me.

That’s a decision we will all have to make at some point – is it better to deal with the mild to severe discomfort of your problem, or is it better to accept and act on a solution that you may not be 100% happy with? So far, I have learned that I am more likely to take the first option. This may be because I am concerned that if I chose a different road I wasn’t sure of, I would wind up exactly where I am right now. My thought process may be different than yours, but I do see the value in my thought process.

This is also the largest problem I’ve faced in my entire life. I’ve had my hand held and my decisions pushed forward up until now. To add to the fact that it’s a difficult problem in the first place, it’s taking me a long time to adjust to the fact that the choice between the solutions is completely my own


Goodbyes and Early Flights

I am heading back to Montreal on a 6:30am flight tomorrow morning. I’m definitely not excited for this trip.

I’ve never been the best morning or night person. I’ve been staying up later and later as my workload has increased, but waking up early continues to be an issue for me.

Saying goodbye to Austin is hard, but time continues to march on faster than I would like.

Until next time, Texas.


Learning to Love the Moment

Do you find that you live in the future? Or have maybe even come to fear it? I do. Whenever I go on a vacation, I find myself unconsciously counting down the amount of time I have left. It becomes somewhat melancholic as I begin to think “I only have X amount of days left at this beach” or “I’ll have to wait Y amount of time to see this person again.”

Today, I spent far too much of my day being upset that tomorrow was my last day with my boyfriend. Being the kind, supportive person he is, he reminded me that I tend to look towards the future with fear and apprehension. Instead, he asked if I could see it as a chance to look forward to new memories and appreciate the ones we were allowed time to make.

Frankly, he’s right. Living in the future can be just as painful as living in the past. There is a value to reaching towards a better, happier life every day, but always feeling as though your life is miserable is not the same. You have to live in the present, accept the past, and work every day to ensure a wonderful future. It sounds a lot simpler on paper, but sometimes a basic reminder can help a lot.

I hope you live in the moment. As far as I know, this is the only one I have and the last one I might see. It’s not worth it to worry about whether my next one will be as good as the last.


Donut Taco Palace

Today started off at a place called Taco Donut Palace, so it started off pretty damn well.

I spent the day with my boyfriend who I haven’t seen in three months, met a mentor and supervisor of mine, explored downtown Austin, and realized that what I am doing in Montreal truly does not make me happy.

It’s not that I’m miserable. I think there is a long distance between happy and miserable. However, one may argue that being in the middle of these two extremes is even worse. It wouldn’t be a far fetched idea to compare the state to limbo.

For now, I’ll stay in limbo and feel out my options. The reality is, my life is far too short and fleeting to allow myself to stay in situations that don’t make me as happy as possible.


Have your Netflix Binge

In the past week or so, I have gone through two new Netflix series of considerable length. I’m not using this as a form of procrastination or negligence, it’s truly just that I’ve become entranced by new stories.

It’s easy to use streaming services as a means to ignore your responsibilities. However, I often find myself watching mindless comedic shows while doing so. Lately, I’ve been watching series that involve strategy, philosophy, and neurotypical challenges. I’ve been doing my work but watching shows when I’m done. I’ve been studying hard, but still feeling a desire to explore these new ideas and avenues.

Netflix is a great source of new ideas. They are more than capable of creating new, edgy, and inventive stories without worrying too much about ratings or airtime. Their airtime is always open. Two shows never need cross on the internet.


Taking Time

Missing blogs doesn’t feel great. Anyone who does everything every day will tell you that missing a day or two feels pretty awful. However, sometimes it can be healthy and productive.

Going away to college has not been easy for me. I’m having a hard time finding meaning in my classes. Instead, I feel as though I show up to lectures to simply have thoughts and answers fed down my throat. I’m not encouraged to ask questions and, when I do, I’m treated as somewhat of a nuisance. Coming from my background of Socratic education and discussion-based learning, it’s been a hard transition.

I needed time during the weekend to pull myself together and decide how I was going to tackle the week. In reality, I have to finish this semester at least. If I went back home now, I would forfeit all of the work I’ve already done and limit my options until January. When I realized I’d missed two daily blogs, I did feel a pang of sadness and disappointment. I couldn’t let this difficult period disrupt the work I loved so much. However, I also found that I had nothing to write about on those days.

Those days were mostly spent in bed, calming myself down, looking over my options, and coming to the understanding that my situation could be a hell of a lot worse than it is. I took the loss, but I took it as a sign that I was taking care of myself and acknowledging when I couldn’t push something I didn’t want to do.

I don’t want to force myself to write and end up hating the process. I’d much rather miss a few days, take the time I need, and come back to my grind stronger.