The Perfect Blogger

I’ve never claimed that blogging every day would be my goal forever, as much as I would like to think that I have that kind of ambition. Although daily blogging has given me a lot, I realized that it is hard for me to sustain.

Despite this realization, I don’t want to give up. I enjoy writing, I love sharing my thoughts, and I love creating content. Even though I have faced many many bumps along this road, I’m not going to pull over just yet. November is a new month, with new goals, and new opportunities. My November ambition is starting on October 28th.

I’ll be going to AynRandCon next weekend and I am incredibly excited. I have yet to read anything from Ayn Rand (although I am slowly making my way through Atlas Shrugged), but I was impressed by the Ayn Rand Institute’s dedication to young entrepreneur’s and ambitious people who want to connect. I cannot wait to meet so many bright, young minds.

This week, I am working on a paper about consciousness, attending lectures about the anthropology behind immigration, and desperately trying to stay afloat in my French class. Bless my professor’s heart, she is the sweetest, most welcoming woman, but I am starting to wonder if my French is salvageable. If anyone can save it, it’s her.

See you tomorrow.

Eloragh

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Collect Yourself, Then Move

These last few weeks have been filled with essays and exams. I’m completely exhausted from every hoop I have had to jump through in October. I decided to take a little time off from school today and do some work on projects outside of academics.

I wrote a piece on Original Path, created a video for a company I really want to work with, and spent some time with people that are very important to me. I took a moment to collect myself before moving on from this difficult but rewarding experience.

Now it’s time to continue on.

Eloragh

Two Months Down

As October is coming to a close, I want to reflect on how my first two months of university have been. In short, I am not confident that I will be able to continue here.

There are parts of adult life that I was unprepared for. Being in a different country all by myself has created different kinds of anxiety in my life. Charting new banks, government offices, healthcare systems, etc. while figuring out how to simply live by myself has been hard.

I’m determined to continue to try. Regardless of whether or not I decide to stay in college, figuring out my life is not a choice. I have to find a way to live and function that works for me. I have to create a budget and stick to it, get my nutrition back under my control, and pull myself together in general.

However, I want to do this slowly. I think I should focus on feeling good before I try to become uber organized.

Eloragh

When Something Feels Wrong

Today, I sent an email that just felt wrong. It wasn’t that it was written poorly (even though it may have been) or that it was mean, it just wasn’t true to who I was. I sent an email basically saying that I would have to stay in college to make a few things work in the coming years.

This email didn’t seem too daunting when I decided to send it. I thought that my reasoning was perfectly sound, which, in all honesty, it is, but it still doesn’t feel right to me.

One of the main issues I’m having with college is a lack of purpose. Yes, I’m taking classes I enjoy, writing papers, filling out exams, turning in assignments, and showing up for class. every. single. day. Still, nothing feels fulfilling. It’s probably a contributing factor to why my blogs have been so meh. I don’t feel invigorated, therefore, nothing I do is invigorating.

Maybe this will pass with time, or maybe it won’t. Either way, I have decisions to make.

Eloragh

Halfway Through

Midterm season is winding down for most students, which means we are more than halfway through the semester (woo!)!

I have about a month and a half left before I go home and let me tell you – I am excited. I have probably never been more excited to go back to New Mexico in my entire life. As the month inches towards an end, I am looking forward to the holidays more and more.

Eloragh

Dismissing Panic

Midterm season is a panicky time of the year. I would say this type of stress comes around about 4 times in most everyone’s life. If you’re a student, it’s midterms and finals. If you’re in the workforce, it’s quarterly reports and quotas. I have no doubt there are more examples, but I want to dive into the idea of how to dismiss this type of panic.

I’m most likely going to be taking summer courses in 2019. I have an 11-month lease on this apartment and will probably be in Montreal, so I have no reason not to do so. I want to get out of college as fast as possible, so if I take summer courses I’ll be halfway done by the beginning of the next fall semester. If I take summer courses again, I’ll be on track to graduate by the end of 2020. Graduating after two years of work is nearly unheard of, but I’m determined to study on my terms.

Although I am very ambitious and passionate person, panic has never evaded me during times of stress. Today, I frantically checked my GPA through an online calculator to make sure I was where I wanted to be. I plan on taking a gap year for the next fall and winter semesters, so I have to maintain a GPA of 3.0. A 3.0 is a 70% at McGill, so it’s entirely doable, but some fear set in after I noticed how I was struggling in my French class. That worry commanded my thoughts for the next hour during my philosophy conference where I am sure I missed valuable information about the upcoming essay we have.

Halfway through the conference, the panic was still there. I was checking different combinations of grades to see how poorly I could do to maintain a GPA of 3.0 even though I knew I would never reach that low. It was the fear and desperation to know that everything would be ok that had me tapping away at my phone. At this point, I took notice of what I was doing, how I was feeling and recognized that I needed to take a step back from this obsession.

In high school, I was obsessed with grades. Ultimately, I did get something out of it. I was valedictorian of my class, received more scholarships than any other student, was recognized by the Governor of New Mexico. I met and worked with my two amazing mentors and joined Original Path. My perfectionism looked fantastic from the outside, but it had slowly eaten away at my mental state. It was a wake-up call when I found myself crying over a mark of 89% in one class.

Since then, I’ve been careful to catch myself when I get nit-picky about my grades. Especially as a college freshman, I have a lot to learn before I should be too concerned with my marks. I’m not failing, not by any means, so I should divert my attention to more important things such as my mental and physical health.

So I did just that – I diverted my attention. I told myself I was going to solely focus on my philosophy conference until it was over, and if I still wanted to panic about my grades once it was, I would be able to go home and do so in private. That ended up not happening because a sense of panic will usually pass through the human mind rather quickly. The trick is to distract yourself. When you find yourself becoming obsessive over anything, distracting yourself and taking your focus away from the object of obsession is always the safest and most effective way to fix the situation.

Eloragh